Oh, HELL Noah.

“SO, HAL? I KNOW THIS IS LIKE, THE EIGHTH TIME I’VE CALLED YOU TODAY. BUT HERE’S THE THING. I’M LOST, MY HAIR LOOKS STUPID, AND THERE ARE WOLVES AFTER ME. ALSO, I’M WEARING AN ARTSY-FARTSY T-SHIRT THAT I PAID WAY TOO MUCH FOR. HOW MUCH? I DUNNO, PROBABLY LIKE 300 DOLLARS. LOOK, I’M RICH, I DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT SHIT. I KNOW PINE WEARS WHATEVER CRAP HE BOUGHT IN A SIX-PACK AT K-MART BUT HE’S A PHILISTINE. I’M MAKING A STATEMENT. ABOUT, LIKE, MY MANY SIDES? BECAUSE I’M AN ACTOR? YOU DON’T GET IT. WHY AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU? OH, WAIT, RIGHT, BECAUSE I’M LOST. DO YOU KNOW WHERE I AM? CAN YOU GPS ME? WHY NOT? WHAT KIND OF DIGITAL AGE IS THIS? I NEED A COFFEE. OR A SMOOTHIE. CAN YOU BRING ME A SMOOTHIE? NO, I CAN’T MEET YOU SOMEWHERE BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHERE I AM. DID YOU HAVE A STROKE AT SOME POINT DURING THIS CONVERSATION? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? YOU NEVER LISTEN. I’M TAKING YOU OFF MY SPEED DIAL. WAIT, HOW DO I USE MY SPEED DIAL? DO I EVEN HAVE THAT ON THIS PHONE? AND WHAT ABOUT THE WOLVES????”

…who is hal?

DON’T YOU KNOW SOMEONE NAMED HAL? YOU KNOW, HAL?

mmmmmm, no.

OH. WELL. I STAND BY THE REST.