Oh, HELL Noah.

OH, WHOOP-DEE-DOO, STAR TREK IS FILMING AGAIN. THAT IS SO GREAT, YOU GUYS. BECAUSE GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE WAKING UP FROM A NAP AND LOOKING UP TO SEE THIS HORRIFICALLY DISFIGURED MESS STARING BACK AT ME.

it’s true. when i first shaved the brows, he hid under the bed for a week.

YOU WOULD, TOO, IF A VULCAN SUDDENLY APPEARED IN YOUR KITCHEN AND FILLED YOUR FOOD BOWL.

some people think vulcans are attractive.

LIKE WHO? CAPTAIN KIRK? HE’S BEEN HIT IN THE HEAD A LOT.

i know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s pretty cute that the eyebrows make you nervous.

SHUT YOUR LOGIC HOLE, SPOCK. I HATE YOU AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WATCH YOUR STUPID MOVIES AND PERPETUATE THIS TRAVESTY.

by which he means: thank you, fans.

BY WHICH I MEAN: LIVE SHORT AND DIE IN A FIRE.